Lose the guilt #PledgeForChange20

by @MrsB_hums

Since having my first daughter in 2014, I have experienced many emotions – love, contentment, stress, desperation, absolute joy but most regularly, guilt. Guilt about my role as a mother, guilt about my role as a wife, guilt about my role as a teacher and leader in school.

This guilt is very much self-inflicted and mainly exists within my own head although it does sometimes splurge out when these feelings are particularly strong or prominent. For example, when I miss bedtime for the third time in two weeks due to parents evenings or when one of my children is unwell but I still send them to school or nursery in the hope that they will perk up (I know, I am also judging me at this point). 

I love my job passionately and I love working. I enjoy having a purpose, making an impact and I thrive on the feeling of being in a school which offers such a vibrant environment and everyday is different. However, there are points in teaching when that can tip over too far and I can then feel that I am doing neither of my roles very well and the guilt kicks in.

When the guilt raises its ugly head, nothing is gained or achieved from this feeling. It does not make me any more efficient, it does not make me better at my job, it definitely does not make me a better Mother. It just makes me feel rubbish.

Therefore, my #PledgeForChange20 is to lose the guilt. Easier said than done, I know, but there is so much to be positive about. I have two beautiful daughters who love going to school and nursery, who get to spend lots of time with both myself and my husband. I have a job that I love and I have been lucky enough to continue to progress in my career despite having children and going part-time – all the things that normally drive a nail into a woman’s career coffin. I also have a network of other women (and men) supporting me and most importantly, reassuring me that what I offer my family, my work colleagues and wider network is enough.

Happy 2020!