Not Looking Outwards... Becoming the Woman I Want To Be

A thought from #WomenEd sparks my need to write.

Was I the woman I wanted to be?

This question came to me on the back of a comment on a post on LinkedIn with the artwork of a female profile and the words 'I love the person I've become because I fought to become her', which is catchy and massively thought-provoking.

I feel the desire to explore this idea further. Especially after the news of Nicola Sturgeon's resignation - the absolute embodiment of a successful, powerful, and likeable women leader. I am in absolute awe of Nicola Sturgeon who resigns less than a month after Jacinda Ardern - two powerful politicians, two firsts and two incredible women! I wish them the best of luck, please continue to be visible!

I want to really explore the idea of becoming the woman I am today and the woman I strive to be!

Well, it is only in recent years that I had a chance to really think about who I wanted to be. Up to the year 2019, it was pretty obvious to me what my identity was - I was a mother, a wife and I wasn't really into anything resembling #feminism or women's rights, let alone thinking about a potential career beyond being a happy mummy, working in a school because it fitted around the boys' school holidays and thus the solution to the childcare costs. But goodness knows, there is much more to life than that; for me anyway for I don't mean to preach! It's OK if others are happy to think like that, but not me, no more. You know, I just feel like I have so much more to give to the world.

As I type these words, I take a stand... I am still a mother, and a wife, and there is more to me than that. On top of the massive drive to educate my boys about empowering women and seeing them as equals, as partners, as leaders, there is a whole new world of Lucie that I am only just beginning to scratch the surface of and I feel unstoppable now. I know I am succeeding. But let me tell you, I am only succeeding because I refuse to look outwards for validation. In my notebook today, I actually wrote:

'Don't look outwards to become the person you want to be!

Everything you need is within!

I know 100% that I have everything within me. Those wise words were from my dearest friend, who is my soul sister, my rock.

I say to myself, I do not need to seek validation for my achievements or my growth, I just need the love of my family and friends and their continued support and belief in me and what I am doing is good for me. I know they will tell me if I step over the line, and that's OK, that's what I need and want. But in the end, we are still the architects of our own futures and especially how we feel on any given day.

No one but ourselves is responsible for making us who we want to be.

So, what forms parts of my journey to the woman I want to be?

I am working towards a professional certificate in Digital Marketing and e-commerce. I try to change my habits so that I have more time for my family and for my learning. I am working on my fitness and running, although it has taken the back seat recently - Spring is coming so my running shoes are going to get used again. I am also trying to do things differently, make different decisions, being thoughtful and quiet at times. And working on my listening, it's really good to listen. I am giving more attention to things that make me a different person, the person I am trying to be or feel - it was wonderful today to listen to my son's playlist for a change, he has a pretty good taste!

In addition, I try to learn more about the world around me, the history, the key events that changed the world, the politics, but also the art and architecture. I really loved having a conversation with my husband about the design of the Scottish Parliament building - again, very thought provoking, you see the pattern here? We discussed the controversy of the competition being won by a Spanish architect Enric Miralles. I loved the building, I loved the detail and what it made me think about; to me it was art. The gardens outside, together with the overbearing Salisbury Crags, the design was a stroke of genius!

So, am I the woman I want to be?

I would say it's a work in progress and massive progress has been made already. I am learning new skills every day, I have become much braver, I read more non-fictional books than I have before and I am working on my mental health, step by step and things are heading in the right direction.

I have everything I want within reach!

I will succeed!

But then again, I think I have already.

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