Throughout my twenties and the early years of my career I have witnessed my generation of women and educational colleagues being chased by a persistent, glittering ghost: the myth of ‘having it all’. We see it in the polished profiles of social media: professionals who supposedly run marathons before dawn, revolutionise pedagogy by lunchtime and serve organic three-course dinners by dusk.

But if we have learnt anything in the last few years it is that social media is not real life. For those of us in the trenches—navigating the complex landscape of a school leadership while managing our own lives—we know the truth. The balance we’ve been promised is not a steady state of equilibrium. For the sake of the generation of leaders to come, it is time to retire the scale. Life isn’t a balance; it’s an ebb and flow.

The word ‘balance’ implies a static 50/50 split.

It suggests that if you spend an hour extra on the school budget you must somehow offset this with an hour of additional recreational time and, if not, there is a failure. This mindset creates a perpetual sense of guilt. If you are winning at work, you feel you are losing at home. If you are present for your family, you feel you are neglecting your vision for your school. In education, this is particularly toxic for a leader’s mindset. Our work is inherently relational and unpredictable. A school crisis rarely cares about your ‘balanced schedule’. A boiler failure in January or a sudden staff vacancy doesn't fit into a neatly partitioned calendar. When we strive for balance, we are fighting the natural rhythm of our profession and therefore rarely succeeding in this balance we are seeking.

The Seasons of the School Year

The life of anyone in education is uniquely seasonal. We don’t live in a 12-month vacuum where each day, week or month are the same; we live in a cycle of high-intensity sprints and much-needed breaks. This is of course the same in many lines of work but in education it seems particularly intense.

Term Time: There are weeks where the intensity of the mental load is almost entirely toward the school. The energy required to launch a new year or wrap one up is immense. During these times, ‘having it all’ might look like a few more takeaway dinners than usual and a slightly messier house than you may like—and that is not a failure of leadership but rather a tactical allocation of energy which we must try hard not to feel guilt over.

School Breaks: Despite what those not in education may think, we all know that the school breaks often still involve a lot of work. However, when the school hallways go quiet, the mental load can (and must) shift to our family, friends and life outside of work. It is the time for deep rest, reconnection and the hobbies that make you a whole human being. We must ensure as leaders in education that this time is protected for the staff in our establishments as well as ourselves.

If we view our lives through a weekly, monthly or half termly lens rather than a daily one, the picture changes. You might not have been there for the family dinner on Tuesday but you were a deeply present member of your family during the half term break. Over the course of the year, you begin to find a rhythm.

Navigating the Year

Leadership often feels lonely because we try to keep our worlds separate and can see it as a failure if one affects the other. We hide the fact that we’re worried about our child who is off school poorly while leading a SLT meeting, or we hide the pressure of our professional day while at the dinner table. We need to work hard as women in leadership to break down some of this whilst also holding our boundaries.

It is okay for other staff to know you are a person with a life outside the building.

In fact, as was referenced in Chartered College of Teaching Spring 2026 Impact magazine, it can be the greatest gift you can give the women you lead. When you leave at 4pm to see your child’s football match because the ‘flow’ allows for it today, you give your teachers permission to do the same. You move the culture from one of performative presence to one of purposeful impact. In any given week you will have different things that take priority, at home and at work, and it is important that this is modelled to the other staff in your school in the same light as you would model exemplary teaching and learning strategies. ‘Having it all’ shouldn't mean doing everything simultaneously. It should mean having a rich, complex life where different parts take center stage at different times.

To fellow women leading our schools: stop looking for the center of the see-saw. It doesn't exist. Instead, learn to ride the waves. Some days you will be the visionary leader the world needs; some days you will be the woman who needs a nap and a quiet house. Both versions of you are necessary. Both versions are enough. I am quickly learning, the most effective leaders aren't the ones who never tip the scales—they are the ones who know how to navigate the current without drowning.

Emma Maguire FCCT