How to Raise Each Other With Authenticity

This is the speech we made at the 2023 WomenEd Unconference with the aim of getting all women to think about how they are raising the women around them.

Are we thinking about their strengths and giving them direct feedback on how to get better?

Gurjeevan: Well a warm welcome to you all! 

My name is Gurjeevan Malhi and I am the first Sikh Assistant Headteacher in my school and I'm sharing the stage with my friend, Emma Howard who is the first ever female headteacher in the history of our school! 

When I first met Emma, she asked me why I insisted on 'hyping' everyone up; especially women, when they were not yet at the level they needed to be to make a forward's step. See, what was happening was I was getting the 'hype' bit correct, but I wasn't giving women clear goals to work towards, so they themselves could break the glass ceiling. 

So, we needed a better way of helping women thrive!

Emma: When we go for interviews, we are often told to be ourselves, but that's not always easy. 

Here are a few tips where we as leaders can help encourage people to be their authentic selves to help raise them up and feel more comfortable and connected to be confidently themselves at interview.

Step 1 (EH)

Consider the implication of people 'code switching.'

Are you seeing the people at your table changing up their personalities to fit in? If so, call it out. 

In order for you to get the best out of people, they have to be comfortable to be themselves as then they'll bring their best version to the table, increasing self- esteem.

Step 2 (GM)

Build a diverse team: a mixture of different people will encourage people to feel more confident to be authentic. 

Don't disregard the 'quiet' ones, or the 'thinkers' as they bring something completely different to the extroverted members. 

When building a team, think about the different personalities that will work together like cogs in a well-oiled, but brilliant team.

Step 3 (EH)

Support conversations about lived experiences. 

Knowing where people come from allows us to understand their 'why' and with that, it allows us to support them to be authentic. It allows them to work towards a goal that allows fulfilled feelings and a better outcome at work, too. 

Gurj and I have been called many names at work, such as 'too brash', 'loud', 'aggressive', 'too strong' and this has been an attempt to reduce our confidence and question our ability. 

However, with like-minded women, we have been able to push forward and grow through uncomfortable stereotypes of what a woman at work should 'be'.

Step 4 (GM)

Be an ally! Give precise praise! 

Be the wind machine for others, champion those women to help fulfill their potential but give them steps to work towards so they know what they need to do in order to realise their ambitions. 

By doing this, you help build their inner confidence and reduce the doubt and quell the imposter syndrome within. 

This is not easy! 

Don't be the woman that stands in the way of other women! We don't have to do this anymore, we can control our narrative.

Step 5 (EH)

You must recognise that the journey to authenticity is a process. 

It will feel like setbacks when women around you revert to code switching, or feel like they have to be 'alpha' in order to be successful, but always think of the bigger picture and what we want as a collective: that is for women to be given opportunities based on their authentic selves. 

It's OK to be you.

Gurjeevan Malhi and Emma Howard work at Nottingham University Samworth Academy in Nottingham @OfficialNUSA and their Twitter handles are @missmalhislays and @howgeography247.

Emma Howard has very recently been successful in moving to her second Headship in Derby. 

Both women feel very passionately about a world where women raise each other and that 'raising' comes from a choice women make. 

We can evoke real change, should we wish to!

Thanks for reading and we look forward to holding spaces for others!