The Language of calm leadership

Recently, I took on a leadership role that has really pushed me out of my comfort zone. I began a journey that has already taught me so much and forced me to reflect on so many things that I do, including the way I use language and the words I use.

It has become much more habitual to think about my language, to consider the words I use and to focus on how (and when) I say things.

One word that has been subject to such analysis has been the word 'just'.

Such a simple word, innocuous really, but a word I would really encourage you to stop and spend some time thinking about!

In fact, I feel so strongly about it, I have tried to ban it! We try and refrain from using the word at home and my colleagues know I will correct them if they use it!

Indulge me whilst I give you some examples of where I think the word should be avoided.

Let's start with an old favourite: "yes [I can], I just need to do X."

Or another variation on the same thing, "I am coming, I just need to check X."

For me these sentences suggest a rush, too many things to do. Fitting something in quickly before the next task.

Think about how different these sentences sound when you remove the word just.

"I can do that; when I have completed X."

"I will come, when I have checked X is done."

Immediately, you are clearer, less rushed, focused. Less flustered even. What you are doing is important, it isn't just an afterthought; something to squeeze in. However, you will be there for the next task and you are aware of it.

Take another example:

"Can you just quickly check/do this for me?"

How many times do we say this sentence? Too often.

We may follow it up with "if that's OK?"

We use the words "quickly" and "just" to make it seem like it won't take too much effort for the person we are speaking to. We won't trespass too much on their time. We will be quick. We don't want to inconvenience them. It makes the task sound like a short and easy one. They will then surely agree to do it. We could go further – we are less important than them!

However, none of this is the case. Again, let's change the language:

"Can you check this for me? When would be a good time?"

The message is clear, unambiguous. You require some assistance. You have added a potential time-frame and a thank you. We now have a different, less apologetic sounding sentence.

The word just can also mean we fail to stop and care for ourselves.

Don't "just grab a cup of tea or some lunch". Instead "have a drink" or "eat my lunch". The tone is calmer. Less frenetic.

Time is being made for essential moments.

Last week, I found myself on a call to the CEO of a large organisation. I was nervous, and felt a little silly about what I had to say. I reverted to my old ways:

"I just thought it may help to go through it with you."

"I just wanted to run this past you."

Afterwards I kicked myself. I was diminishing what I had to say. My tone was apologetic, asking for permission almost to raise my thoughts.

The power of removing the word just, changes those phrases entirely:

"I felt it would really help to go through this with you."

"I wanted the opportunity to discuss this with you."

Determined to keep moving forward, and after reflecting on my day (as I always do) I started typing this blog. I wanted to share my passion for rethinking our language. There are so many other examples, in which you can remove one word and the whole sentence changes.

However, as I finished typing, my husband got up and announced that he was "just going to have a shower!"

Clearly we both have some more work to do on this!